Mr. Boston Rum

CockTale: Mr. Boston Virgin Islands Rum came to us bootlegged from the great State of Idaho. Mr. Boston is not currently available in the State of Washington, or maybe I should say he isn't "allowed" into the State of Washington. Mr. Boston hits me as a perplexing character in our family of rums as I'm not sure how he is supposed to be portrayed. He looks like the guy on the Monopoly box, if he used all his money to go down to the Virgin Islands and buy some rum plantation. So I guess in the family of rums, he is your absurdly rich uncle who bought a plantation and now makes rum, but for some mysterious reason he isn't allowed to come visit, ever. I had the pleasure of drinking Mr. Boston rum during a lively game of dice called 10,000. I thought it was based on points, but it is actually the number of shots some people take while playing the game. I was enjoying my Pearl Cucumber vodka for the night and instead of just taking shots of that, I decided it would be a good idea to shoot Mr. Boston with diet coke chasers. I didn't exactly win the game of dice, but ended up better than the game's proprietor who ended up face down in the grass of the backyard. I don't know what happened in my life that shaped this behavior, but whenever I see someone passed out in the grass I have this inherent desire to urinate on them. Lucky for the proprietor of the game, he was too far out of my range to be urinated on off the back deck. This story comes from the archives of my story book entitled "yes, I am over 30 years old".

Review:
Taste: Mr. Boston has a very light flavor, would probably make a great rum and diet, though I don't know. Not much rum burn going down, but you can definitely tell you are sampling bottom shelf rum. "2.8"
Hangover Factor: Considering that I mixed cucumber vodka with shots of Mr. Boston, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself not hating life the next morning. Since Mr. Boston is a very light rum, I think that lessens the side effects. "3.2"
Novelty: Other than the fact that this rum was bootlegged from Idaho and Mr. Boston looks like the Monopoly guy with crazy 1800's sideburns, I can't say that it gets a lot of oohs and aaahs from the gallery but it was a novelty to see a rum I have never heard of before. "3.5"
Price: I am unable to confirm this, but rumor has it that a half gallon of Mr. Boston in Idaho is under $15. Since that price skews the entire basis of the CockTales and Reviews ratings system, unfortunately I have to register it as incomplete as it would be an off the charts 5 if I were able to rate it.
Drunk: Lets call the drunk "bad choices drunk". Mr. Boston encourages you to make bad choices, like drinking Mr. Boston for one. "2.5"

My night with Mr. Boston was memorable to say the least. Maybe the next time I am visiting Idaho I will have to do my best Dukes of Hazard impression and bootleg some of Mr. Boston's fine rum across State lines. Overall score - 3

Cruzan Mango Rum

CockTale: I honestly had no idea what I was going to do with Cruzan Mango Rum when I picked it up at the liquor store. For some reason I was drawn to the bottle and the idea of mango rum and I spent the drive home thinking about what kind of cocktail to make with it. I decided that a mango mojito had promise, so I decided on that. I have been tinkering with my own mojito recipe at home for the past two years or so. I typically mash limes with sugar with this little green Bacardi sponsored mojito tool that I stole from a liquor store. Ok, I didn't exactly steal it, but it was on this display and nobody seemed to say anything when I grabbed it as I walked out the door. So probably 60% stole it, 40% took a free item? Anyways, I mash the limes with sugar to create the simple sugar, add 1 shot of rum to two shots club soda and then garnish with mint leaves and another lime wedge. After mixing a couple of these mango mojitos in this fashion I got smart. How about instead of the limes and sugar I go with Rose's sweetened lime juice! As you can tell by the last El Jimador post, Rose's sweetened lime juice is becoming a staple on CockTales & Reviews. So here is the new recipe - 1 shot rum, half shot Rose's sweetened lime juice and 1.5 shots club soda. Garnish with mint leaves and a lime wedge, stir and pour over ice.

Review:
Taste: Unlike most flavored booze these days, Cruzan mango rum doesn't have an overpowering taste. The taste is more complimentary to the rum, like a hint of mango instead of this syrupy mango liquor that I might have expected. "3.5"
Price: $13.95 for a fifth. I will try any liquor that is under $14 per bottle and I plan to try out the entire Cruzan line of rums. "4"
Hangover Factor: No side effects, didn't even get the stomach ache that is sometimes associated with the flavored beverages. "4"
Novelty: The bottle is pretty cool, the idea of mango flavored rum is pretty neat - but here is the problem, what do you do with mango rum other than mango mojitos and maybe rum and some sort of juice like pog? Cruzan mango is a little limited in it's options, that is the only reason for lower marks. "2.5"
Drunk: For some reason I felt like I had to drink a lot of this to start feeling the effects, the taste was great so the cocktails went down like water, but I couldn't break through the sober barrier. "2.5"

Cruzan Mango Rum was a nice surprise, while the drink is a little limited in it's options I think this should be part of your liquor cabinet. A nice change from your average light rum and in my opinion much better flavor than it's overpriced counterparts like Bacardi. Overall - "3.3"

Appleton Jamaica Rum

Cocktale: In preparation for snowmageddon 2012 I found myself running low on the most essential element that sustains life in snowy weather, rum. I visited a liquor store outside of my regular stomping grounds and I need to note - this liquor store is actually half liquor, half hardware store. The gentleman next to me was looking for Jack Daniels, and the store didn't carry it. I figured I wouldn't be able to snag one of my go-to rums for this occasion and set my eyes on a familiar name in a different bottle. I have had the more expensive Appleton rums on occasion, I know that they range from around $35 bucks and up depending on the age. This bottle was not that kind of Appleton rum. This bottle had a fancy sticker on it that said $14.95 however, and I was game. The snow lasted for three more days, and so did this bottle, that should be a telling sign of the review to follow.

Review:
Taste:  Appleton Jamaica rum had the smokey barrel flavor that you would expect from a Jamaican rum, but it was almost too powerful. For the bottle and the price, you wouldn't think this is something you would drink straight, but I would recommend that. Mixing this rum with anything would just get overpowered by the smokey flavor. "2"
Drunk: I would call this "sleepy time drunk". The heavy flavor made it hard to put them back one by one and added to slower, sleepy time drinking. "2"
Hangover Factor: Slightly higher than expected, the darker the rum the more hangover is what I find, don't drink this rum all night, mix it up with something else. "3"
Price: $14.95 for a fifth seemed really decent and I would regularly give high marks for that, but in this case you are better off with a $10-$12 bottle and better taste. A little overpriced for the Appleton name. "2.5"
Novelty: If you brought this to a party and people didn't know better, you could probably try to pass this off for a nice rum because the bottle says "special". Just don't bring this to my house, I'll call you out as a cheap little bitch. "2"

If rums were a family, as I have been describing lately with the twin brothers Montego Bay and Ron Rio, then Appleton Jamaica rum is that snooty bitch uncle that claims to have gone to a prestigeous university to his friends and co-workers, roots for the football team as "we" and has an alumni sticker on his car, but he actually only went to community college. Shhh, don't tell anybody. "2.3"

Montego Bay Rum

CockTale: I ran out of my go to rum (Ron Rio) and decided to give his identical twin brother Montego Bay rum a run for this blog. In my experience, Montego Bay is essentially the same as Ron Rio with one exception....whoever establishes liquor prices in the State of Washington will decide to sometimes make Ron Rio a dollar less expensive than Montego Bay, or vice versa from time to time for no real reason. I poured myself a large rum & diet and by the end of the night me and Montego Bay were taking party pics together like a newlywed couple on a carribean cruise......

Review:
Taste: Montego Bay rum is identical to Ron Rio, about as close to perfection as you can get "5"
Price: $25.95 for a half gallon, exactly two dollars more than Ron Rio for no reason, that is going to bring your score down. "4.5"
Hangover Factor: Considering I made a pretty big dent for a Thursday work night, it really wasn't that bad the next morning. "5"
Novelty: Not much of a novelty, but just like Ron Rio, Montego Bay is a welcome guest at any social event because of his size and taste. He can basically host your party by himself. "5"

Drunk: I would go with "jovial" to describe my drunk, the previously mentioned party pics with the bottle and drunk dialing my Mom were quite jovial. "5"

Montego Bay rum comes in second place in the rankings because of the price, there is absolutely no reason to price it more than Ron Rio other than to give it a slightly higher feeling of superiority, which is no way to treat your brother. Overall "4.9"

Ron Rio Rum

Cocktale: Ron Rio Rum is quite outstanding to say the least. Ron and I have been on more than one adventure together, including my broken finger escapade this summer which led to self-imposed rum probation and the beer renaissance of 2011. Anyways, I dialed up my go to cocktail this week - the perfect rum & diet with the usual suspect Ron Rio along for the ride.

Review:
Taste: Ron Rio alone is nothing special, but when paired with diet coke it is perfection. "5"
Price: $22.50 for a half gallon, need I say more? "5"
Hangover Factor: Ron Rio has never let me down. "5"

Drunk: I fell down tending a fire, broke my pinky, don't know how I put my underwear on and accidentally ended up in a pack & play on my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night while my daughter was in it. Drunk? Check. "5"
Novelty: not very unique, but Ron Rio can accompany you to any party like your favorite pair of jeans, and that can't be taken for granted. "5"

Ron Rio rum earns the very first 5 star rating ever issued by "Cocktales & Reviews" and in my opinion it is very well deserved.

The Kraken - Black Spiced Rum

CockTale:
I had pretty low expectations when I selected "The Kraken, black spiced rum" as my Thursday night drink selection from the liquor store. The bottle looked cool, with this underwater sea creature looking at me in the face as if to say to me, "yeah you are going to drink me and then I am going to drag your soul to the bottom of the ocean!" I don't usually like dark spiced rum, especially when it calls itself BLACK spiced rum, but this was delightful. I never mix spiced rum with coke with the exception of the Captain, but I am adding the Kraken to this list of rums that can definitley be mixed with coke. Also, the Kraken is 47% alcohol, so 94 proof - those are definitley good statistics in it's favor. I was feeling a little bit under the weather, but I pressed on and donned my drinking robe and poured myself a couple glasses of The Kraken, very enjoyable.

Review:
Taste: Very nice, almost a vanilla tone to it and mixed well with diet coke. Pretty enjoyable straight, but I don't typically drink straight spiced rum. Not a jamaican spiced rum like I would have expected, very smooth. "4"
Price: $18.90 for a fifth, little on the pricey side for me, especially for a rum. That is about what you would pay for the Captain and I am a little more partial to The Kraken, cause this sea monster would grab the Captain's woodenship and sink that bitch in no time. "3.5"
Novelty: Pretty good on the novelty side, cool looking bottle, black color and a cool name in The Kraken. Spend all night making sea monster related jokes and a good looking bottle for your liquor cabinet, not your average liquor for sure. I would give this as a gift for sure "4.5"
Hangover Factor: Spiced rums usually are a little more prone to hangovers. I find the darker the liquor the worse the hangover and this is about as black as they come. "2.5"
Drunk: Even though this is a sea monster, I found the drunk to be a nice peaceful evening on the water with a cool breeze in the air. "4"

Overall grade = "3.7", overall I found The Kraken to be very enjoyable and a good addition to my liquor cabinet, the price would prohibit me from drinking this regularly, but a good way to mix up the regular rum and coke from time to time.