Mr. Boston Rum

CockTale: Mr. Boston Virgin Islands Rum came to us bootlegged from the great State of Idaho. Mr. Boston is not currently available in the State of Washington, or maybe I should say he isn't "allowed" into the State of Washington. Mr. Boston hits me as a perplexing character in our family of rums as I'm not sure how he is supposed to be portrayed. He looks like the guy on the Monopoly box, if he used all his money to go down to the Virgin Islands and buy some rum plantation. So I guess in the family of rums, he is your absurdly rich uncle who bought a plantation and now makes rum, but for some mysterious reason he isn't allowed to come visit, ever. I had the pleasure of drinking Mr. Boston rum during a lively game of dice called 10,000. I thought it was based on points, but it is actually the number of shots some people take while playing the game. I was enjoying my Pearl Cucumber vodka for the night and instead of just taking shots of that, I decided it would be a good idea to shoot Mr. Boston with diet coke chasers. I didn't exactly win the game of dice, but ended up better than the game's proprietor who ended up face down in the grass of the backyard. I don't know what happened in my life that shaped this behavior, but whenever I see someone passed out in the grass I have this inherent desire to urinate on them. Lucky for the proprietor of the game, he was too far out of my range to be urinated on off the back deck. This story comes from the archives of my story book entitled "yes, I am over 30 years old".

Review:
Taste: Mr. Boston has a very light flavor, would probably make a great rum and diet, though I don't know. Not much rum burn going down, but you can definitely tell you are sampling bottom shelf rum. "2.8"
Hangover Factor: Considering that I mixed cucumber vodka with shots of Mr. Boston, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself not hating life the next morning. Since Mr. Boston is a very light rum, I think that lessens the side effects. "3.2"
Novelty: Other than the fact that this rum was bootlegged from Idaho and Mr. Boston looks like the Monopoly guy with crazy 1800's sideburns, I can't say that it gets a lot of oohs and aaahs from the gallery but it was a novelty to see a rum I have never heard of before. "3.5"
Price: I am unable to confirm this, but rumor has it that a half gallon of Mr. Boston in Idaho is under $15. Since that price skews the entire basis of the CockTales and Reviews ratings system, unfortunately I have to register it as incomplete as it would be an off the charts 5 if I were able to rate it.
Drunk: Lets call the drunk "bad choices drunk". Mr. Boston encourages you to make bad choices, like drinking Mr. Boston for one. "2.5"

My night with Mr. Boston was memorable to say the least. Maybe the next time I am visiting Idaho I will have to do my best Dukes of Hazard impression and bootleg some of Mr. Boston's fine rum across State lines. Overall score - 3

Coors Original Beer

CockTale: Let me begin by saying, I hate Coors Light. I was recently in Las Vegas and the $2 beer special during March Madness was Coors, the sponsor of the event at the Fabulous Gold Coast Casino. I was complaining about this year being Coors and the other people with me were saying that Coors original, the banquet beer, is much better than Coors Light and that I need to give it a chance. Every time I have had Coors Light I throw up, either because the taste is so bad or because I must be monumentally drunk to put a Coors Light in my mouth at the end of a long night of drinking. So at around 11am on Saturday I started drinking Coors and was pleasantly surprised, so much that I probably had 30 of them. The Gold Coast was giving out drink coupons and at one point I had accumulated 59 drink coupons that were set to expire at midnight. So I decided to spend St. Patrick's Day by drinking what else but Coors original. Around 11pm I started sharing Coors with everyone I could find, banquet beer for all!

Taste: If Coors Light is a zero and Coors original has to be twice as good at least then I gotta start the rating at 2 and go up from there. The best part about Coors is that it wasn't very filing unlike say a regular Budweiser or Miller. It took me about 14 hours to do so, but I was able to put down 30 of them. Of course, I did forget to eat dinner so that might account for some of the room in my stomach. - "2.5"

Hangover Factor: I thought I was going to die. I started drinking at 11am and finished at 2am the next day, didn't eat anything but a burger around 1pm, wooops. It isn't all Coors' fault, but I'm going with a - "1.5"

Novelty: I have been drinking for about 16 years and have never even tried a Coors, so for me this was a little bit higher on the novelty factor than most people. "3"

Drunk: "libatious" which is defined by Urban Dictionary as "with lots of celebratory drinking; full of libations" - is how I would describe my day with Coors, though I didn't have much to celebrate. "3"

Price: $2 per bottle at the Gold Coast Casino, though I don't think I ever paid a dime for one thanks to the drink tickets, though I probably gambled and lost $250 that day, so I guess I did pay for them and boy did I pay for them the next morning. "2.5"

In the end, I was glad I tried Coors and I can cross it off my drunk bucket list. I will probably need a really good reason to venture towards the mountains of Golden Colorado ever again, but I think we were destined to find each other on St. Patrick's Day 2012 and I'm glad fate brought us together. Overall - 2.5

Cruzan Mango Rum

CockTale: I honestly had no idea what I was going to do with Cruzan Mango Rum when I picked it up at the liquor store. For some reason I was drawn to the bottle and the idea of mango rum and I spent the drive home thinking about what kind of cocktail to make with it. I decided that a mango mojito had promise, so I decided on that. I have been tinkering with my own mojito recipe at home for the past two years or so. I typically mash limes with sugar with this little green Bacardi sponsored mojito tool that I stole from a liquor store. Ok, I didn't exactly steal it, but it was on this display and nobody seemed to say anything when I grabbed it as I walked out the door. So probably 60% stole it, 40% took a free item? Anyways, I mash the limes with sugar to create the simple sugar, add 1 shot of rum to two shots club soda and then garnish with mint leaves and another lime wedge. After mixing a couple of these mango mojitos in this fashion I got smart. How about instead of the limes and sugar I go with Rose's sweetened lime juice! As you can tell by the last El Jimador post, Rose's sweetened lime juice is becoming a staple on CockTales & Reviews. So here is the new recipe - 1 shot rum, half shot Rose's sweetened lime juice and 1.5 shots club soda. Garnish with mint leaves and a lime wedge, stir and pour over ice.

Review:
Taste: Unlike most flavored booze these days, Cruzan mango rum doesn't have an overpowering taste. The taste is more complimentary to the rum, like a hint of mango instead of this syrupy mango liquor that I might have expected. "3.5"
Price: $13.95 for a fifth. I will try any liquor that is under $14 per bottle and I plan to try out the entire Cruzan line of rums. "4"
Hangover Factor: No side effects, didn't even get the stomach ache that is sometimes associated with the flavored beverages. "4"
Novelty: The bottle is pretty cool, the idea of mango flavored rum is pretty neat - but here is the problem, what do you do with mango rum other than mango mojitos and maybe rum and some sort of juice like pog? Cruzan mango is a little limited in it's options, that is the only reason for lower marks. "2.5"
Drunk: For some reason I felt like I had to drink a lot of this to start feeling the effects, the taste was great so the cocktails went down like water, but I couldn't break through the sober barrier. "2.5"

Cruzan Mango Rum was a nice surprise, while the drink is a little limited in it's options I think this should be part of your liquor cabinet. A nice change from your average light rum and in my opinion much better flavor than it's overpriced counterparts like Bacardi. Overall - "3.3"

El Jimador Tequila

CockTale: Did you know El Jimador is the number one selling brand of tequila in Mexico? Neither did I, so when I was choosing a new tequila to try out, I figured 110 million Mexicans couldn't be wrong. I also figured that El Jimador meant something cool, like when I tried out Lunazul tequila - but boy was I wrong. El Jimadors are the people who went out and harvested the agave plants to make tequila, boring. But don't let that get you down, El Jimador was very good. In fact, I spent three nights in a row making margaritas. Best margarita recipe in the world - 1 shot tequila, 1 shot triple sec and 1 shot Rose's sweetened lime juice. Mix all three together and pour over ice. Very low in calories and only takes seconds to mix up. Trust me on this one, I write a blog about cocktails for a living.....

Review:
Taste: This is nice tequila, no nasty after taste, mixes well for margaritas and shoots alright as well with a little lime chaser. Nothing special about it other than it being a very solid tequila - "3"
Price: $19.99 for a fifth. At this price you are right in line with the upper shelf decent brands of tequila like Cuervo, but by no means is it a cheap tequila. If El Jimador was a dollar more than Cuervo, I can't say it is really worth it. The price is a couple dollars higher than Lunazul, and it definitely isn't better than that. "2.5"
Drunk: Since I spent three nights in a row with El Jimador, I would say the drunk is "satisfying". Something you can drink night after night has its appeal and I am rarely like that with tequila or margaritas. "3.5"
Novelty: After you get past the name not meaning anything and that it is the number one selling brand of tequila in Mexico, there isn't really that much that is special about the bottle or the tequila. It is just a decent bottle of tequila. "2"
Hangover Factor: This was a pleasant surprise, very little effects on the morning(s) after drinking El Jimador. When you think about it, the original El Jimadors had to wake up every morning and go out and harvest agave, so they couldn't be too hung over from their product. "4"

The CockTales & Reviews rating scale is based on 1-5, it seems that a score of 2.5 should be average, right in the middle - but that would also equate to scoring a 50% on a test. That doesn't quite seem fair? For the purposes of my ratings system, lets say a decent score is 3.0 - and that is exactly where El Jimador comes in, overall - "3"

Pearl Pomegranate Vodka

CockTale: After the unanticipated success of Pearl Cucumber Vodka, I ventured back to the liquor store in search of what else the Pearl brand had to offer. Pomegranate looked like an interesting choice, though at first I struggled with what to mix it with, I figured it would be pretty neutral and would go with anything. Unfortunately, the Pearl Pomegranate was a little underwhelming from the start....

Review:
Taste:  Just like the cucumber flavor, pomegranate tastes very fresh but there isn't a lot of flavor here - more like a hint of pomegranate. I was a little let down that there was no smell either, besides mediocre vodka smell. I mixed the pomegranate with some diet sprite and tonic. Even a straight sip of it leaves you in search of the pomegranate taste. This would be a nice vodka to add to other things as a complimentary drink if you just want a little dash of pomegranate flavor in something. This doesn't have standalone appeal to me. "2.5"
Price: $13.99 for a fifth is very decent, not a steal like it was for Pearl Cucumber, but $13.99 for any fifth is worth trying. Since I would use Pearl Pomegranate as more of a compliment, then this price warrants having it in your cabinet. "3.5"
Drunk: I'll use "mediocre" drunk as my describatory word for Pearl Pomegranate. Nothing like some cocktails, Grey's Anatomy and American Idol on a cocktail filled Thursday night. "2.5"
Hangover Factor: Like most other vodka's, not a bad morning after - it didn't prohibit me from the morning workout and that is all you can ask of a Thursday night drinking partner. "3"
Novelty: Pearl Pomegranate has the nice cork cap, I'm a sucker for that. You will probably get a "oooooh" from the ladies when they hear the word pomegranate, but other than those factors you will be a little underwhelmed once you try it out. "3"

Overall, I think Pearl Pomegranate suffers from the hype of it's cousin Pearl Cucumber, in that there was no way pomegranate had a shot to equal the success of cucumber from the beginning. I keep going back to the word underwhelmed, but if cucumber had not existed then underwhelmed wouldn't be an appropriate word. I think a quote from the movie Clueless pretty much sums up how I feel - "You can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" - There you go, Pearl Pomegranate Vodka makes me whelmed. Overall -  "2.9"