Monopolowa Gin

CockTale: I'm convinced that walking into a liquor store to select a new bottle is a lot like picking race horses. You find ridiculous reasons to try different types of booze that have no rhyme nor reason to them yet when you walk out with the bottle it seems to make perfect sense at the time. I once won a couple hundred dollars at the race track on a horse named Poker Brad. Now I had recently watched the movie A River Runs Through It which of course stars Brad Pitt, who at the end of the movie ***spoiler alert*** though there should be no such thing on a movie 20yrs old, Brad Pitt's character is killed in what is thought to be a card game gone wrong. So of course I would bet on a 20-1 long shot named Poker Brad. Then what? The jockey is wearing a green shirt with a giant f'ing clover on the back, I love green! I love clovers! Next thing you know, you are dropping money on this horse for no rational reason. I bring this up because that is pretty much the method I have been using when selecting new booze to try out on this blog and exactly what I used yesterday when I selected Monopolowa Gin. I wanted to drink gin and watch the NFL draft last night, so I headed straight for the gin section. First, Monopolowa is apparently made in Vienna, Austria. I just found out my brother is moving there this summer - boom! Then the name Monopolowa, like Monopoly - I love that game - boom! Next thing you know I'm walking out of the store with a bottle of Monopolowa Gin for no good reason.

 

Review:

Taste: I made my first cocktail way too strong, apparently in the Eastern block they don't believe in that little plastic thing that restricts the flow of booze out of the bottle (insert its real name here). But it gave me a great chance to test the flavor of Monopolowa which was quite delightful. It has a little of that burn most usually associated with vodka, so I wouldn't call it very smooth but the taste has nice citrus notes and it was great for gin & juice. "3"

Novelty: Unless your brother is about to move to Austria, I don't think this bottle is very high on the novelty factor, the bottle itself is rather boring and it has weird names written all over it. "1.5"

Hangover Factor: You need to be careful when doing some week night drinking and Monopolowa was right on the edge, I didn't wake up feeling horrible for a Friday but wasn't exactly flying out of bed to work today. "2.5"

Price: $16.95 for a fifth puts us right in the middle of the proper price range for a bottle like this, decently priced for the product you get back in return. "3.5"

Drunk: Monopolowa's above average drinkability leads to a little overindulgence, this was sort of a surprising drunk, like wait a minute - it's 8:30pm on a Thursday and I'm a little plowed, how did this happen? "3"

I liked Monopolowa Gin, if it weren't for some random reasons I probably never would have tried it out and probably have never met another person who has. I guess that is kinda the point of this whole drinking experiment we call CockTales & Reviews. Overall score = 2.7

Mr. Boston Rum - Addendum

When Mr. Boston Rum was reviewed the price section of the review was omitted because it couldn't be confirmed that the price for a half gallon was around $15. Well, Ms. Idaho 2032's mother sent me the proof below:

Yes, that says $15.90 for a half gallon of Mr. Boston's fine product in the great State of Idaho. Unfortunately, we still cannot register this price for a review score because the C&R rating system would explode. But, I will definitely take this into consideration the next time I decide to bootleg alcohol across State lines. Thanks to Ms. Idaho 2032's mom.

Bud Light Platinum Beer

CockTale: My wife was out of town and I was trapped at home watching three children. I took a trip to the store headed down the beer aisle because, well I was out of beer for the beer fridge. Usually I spend about 10-15 minutes meandering back and forth and looking at labels and thinking about if I want to try something new and end up with a half rack of nasty beer in my fridge or if I want to go with a tried and proven good beer. I decided to end up in the middle of that struggle, influenced by the fact that I had kids with me and 10-15 minutes of wandering was not going to happen I grabbed the Bud Light Platinum without any good reason as to why. I kept hearing the Kanye West song in my head that went with the Super Bowl commercial for Bud Light Platinum and I figured if it was good enough for Kanye it was good enough for CockTales & Reviews. After the kids went to sleep, I posted up on the couch with Bud Light Platinum and as I took the picture to the right, I asked it one simple question - "well, what is the big deal with you?" And that is when Bud Light Platinum responded to me - "I'm 6 percent, bitch." That was when I realized that I was already familiar with Bud Light Platinum by it's former name - the Penguin.  

Its true, Bud Light Platinum is just a fancy new way of referring to Bud Ice, beware of the Penguin. This time the Penguin is a little skinnier and doesn't have as much bite, but he is just as dangerous my friends.....

Review:

Taste: Very light and very crisp, I referred to it as Bud Light with taste. "4"

Price: $11.99 for a half rack on sale, regularly $13.99 - either way, this is decently priced and priced the same as Bud Light, Miller or Coors depending what is on sale. "3.5"

Novelty: Right now the novelty on Bud Light Platinum is probably at its highest point, it is relatively new to the market and people want to try it out and time will tell if it is a sustainable brand for Bud. If you bring Bud Light Platinum to a BBQ, there is a good chance that other people will want to try it out, or spark a question about it. "3.5"

Hangover Factor: I had 10 of these and was expecting to feel like I used to after dancing with the Penguin all night, like he shit in my mouth and then left me for dead in bed with a massive headache - but I was greeted with no ill side effects, shocker. "4"

Drunk: Lets go with "watch your step" drunk. With light drinkability, Bud Light but with more taste and then add 6%, you are flirting with the danger zone going with Bud Light Platinum all night. But like Maverick said to Ice Man- "that's right Ice...Man, I am dangerous". "4"

Highway to the danger zone - overall score = "3.8"

Finlandia Vodka

CockTale: I was really in the mood for Greyhounds (vodka & grapefruit) and we were headed to a friend's house for the night and figured I could try just about any vodka because I really haven't found a good go-to vodka - and you can probably tell because vodka has been reviewed on C&R more than any other type of booze to date. Trying Finlandia vodka was just a jerk reaction, actually I saw that they made a grapefruit flavored vodka but it was only 35% instead of 40% and that kinda bugged me that adding the grapefruit flavor would rob you of 5% more alcohol. So I figured I could just try the regular Finlandia instead and add my own grapefruit. My night with Finlandia led me to create a new term - "JAV" or Just Another Vodka. There is gut rot vodka and premium vodka and in the middle everything else is JAV. I won't drink gut rot vodka (see Burnett's Vodka) because you can find a JAV for darn near the same price and there is a good chance you are mixing it with something and it doesn't really matter if you spent $14 on it or $20 on it. To get a premium vodka you need to both spend a lot of money and find the right one. There are plenty of bottles that carry a $30-$40 price tag that are JAVs and there are very few that are so nice that you want to drink them over ice or maybe use in a vodka tonic. My point in all of this is that Finlandia is a JAV, does nothing to separate itself from the pack and does nothing to put it in the gut rot category either. If you are going to mix it, then why not go with Finlandia. - They should use that as their new slogan.....

Review:

Taste: Doesn't have the cheap vodka after taste, goes down smooth and has good smell. I was impressed, but not impressed enough to take it out of the JAV category or to consistently drink it straight. "3"

Price: $17.99 for a fifth. This is a little too high for me, there are plenty of other JAVs that are lower than Finlandia and it doesn't make sense to add the extra buck or two. "2"

Novelty: There isn't really anything to talk about. There is no cool slogan or marketing campaign, the bottle is pretty sleek but doesn't really do anything for me. Nobody is saying, wow you brought Finlandia over to my house, cool! "1.5"
Hangover Factor: I made a pretty good dent in Finlandia and woke up the next morning and was able to coach T-ball by 9:30am, so I guess that is a pretty good endorsement? "4"
Drunk: I'm going with JAV as my word- just another vodka drunk. "2"

I don't want to give the impression that I didn't like Finlandia, I liked it just fine, but in the end there is really nothing that makes it separate itself from the almost endless selection of vodkas at the liquor store. For this JAV, this overall score seems to tell the story perfectly - overall "2.5"