Ron Rio Rum

Cocktale: Ron Rio Rum is quite outstanding to say the least. Ron and I have been on more than one adventure together, including my broken finger escapade this summer which led to self-imposed rum probation and the beer renaissance of 2011. Anyways, I dialed up my go to cocktail this week - the perfect rum & diet with the usual suspect Ron Rio along for the ride.

Review:
Taste: Ron Rio alone is nothing special, but when paired with diet coke it is perfection. "5"
Price: $22.50 for a half gallon, need I say more? "5"
Hangover Factor: Ron Rio has never let me down. "5"

Drunk: I fell down tending a fire, broke my pinky, don't know how I put my underwear on and accidentally ended up in a pack & play on my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night while my daughter was in it. Drunk? Check. "5"
Novelty: not very unique, but Ron Rio can accompany you to any party like your favorite pair of jeans, and that can't be taken for granted. "5"

Ron Rio rum earns the very first 5 star rating ever issued by "Cocktales & Reviews" and in my opinion it is very well deserved.

The Kraken - Black Spiced Rum

CockTale:
I had pretty low expectations when I selected "The Kraken, black spiced rum" as my Thursday night drink selection from the liquor store. The bottle looked cool, with this underwater sea creature looking at me in the face as if to say to me, "yeah you are going to drink me and then I am going to drag your soul to the bottom of the ocean!" I don't usually like dark spiced rum, especially when it calls itself BLACK spiced rum, but this was delightful. I never mix spiced rum with coke with the exception of the Captain, but I am adding the Kraken to this list of rums that can definitley be mixed with coke. Also, the Kraken is 47% alcohol, so 94 proof - those are definitley good statistics in it's favor. I was feeling a little bit under the weather, but I pressed on and donned my drinking robe and poured myself a couple glasses of The Kraken, very enjoyable.

Review:
Taste: Very nice, almost a vanilla tone to it and mixed well with diet coke. Pretty enjoyable straight, but I don't typically drink straight spiced rum. Not a jamaican spiced rum like I would have expected, very smooth. "4"
Price: $18.90 for a fifth, little on the pricey side for me, especially for a rum. That is about what you would pay for the Captain and I am a little more partial to The Kraken, cause this sea monster would grab the Captain's woodenship and sink that bitch in no time. "3.5"
Novelty: Pretty good on the novelty side, cool looking bottle, black color and a cool name in The Kraken. Spend all night making sea monster related jokes and a good looking bottle for your liquor cabinet, not your average liquor for sure. I would give this as a gift for sure "4.5"
Hangover Factor: Spiced rums usually are a little more prone to hangovers. I find the darker the liquor the worse the hangover and this is about as black as they come. "2.5"
Drunk: Even though this is a sea monster, I found the drunk to be a nice peaceful evening on the water with a cool breeze in the air. "4"

Overall grade = "3.7", overall I found The Kraken to be very enjoyable and a good addition to my liquor cabinet, the price would prohibit me from drinking this regularly, but a good way to mix up the regular rum and coke from time to time.

Trader Joes Champagne

Its a celebration bitches! Or at least that is what I told my wife when I arrived at home after purchasing a fine champagne from Trader Joes, called "Trader Joes Champagne" and announced my idea for this blog.

I will be chronicling different experiences in drinking or "CockTales" along with my reviews of different forms of alcohol that are off the beaten path from my usual selections (Bud Light/Ron Rio Rum).

My alcohol rating system will be based on 5 key factors, on a scale of 1 - 5. 1 being garbage, 5 being perfection.

1. Taste: does it taste good or does it taste like rubbing alcohol?
2. Price: not just is it reasonably priced but does the quality and volume match the pricetag?
3. Novelty: is this drink special, would I bring it to a party or tell my friends about it?
4. Hangover Factor: how bad is the hangover?
5. Drunk: happy drunk, sleepy drunk, fun drunk, sexy time drunk?
Warning, CockTales and Reviews is a freeflowing narative that sometimes touches on mature subjects.

CockTale:
Fine, it is actually called sparkling wine and if you are that big of a champagne snob then go someplace else and stop reading this because it isn't for you. I decided to kick off this blog with champagne because it is 180 degrees away from my normal drinking habits and brings a festive atmosphere to this debut. Upon arriving at home I quickly donned my bathrobe and summoned my inner Hugh Heffner while I picked out the right gobblets to drink my champagne from. A champagne flute didn't see appropriate, so I opted for the glass gobblet. I had to get my wife to open the bottle of champagne as I don't know how and quickly poured myself a large gobblet of foam. Quick note, pour champagne sideways and slowly as you would a beer or else you end up with a glass of foam. The bottle went fast and I had to dispatch the wife to the store to pick up reinforcements to continue the merriment.

Review:
Taste: I found the champagne to be a little dry, but much better flavor than those I tried in the past. I wouldn't recommend mixing it with juice or anything like that, just drink it straight.  "3"

Price: The $9.99 price tag seemed decent to me at the time, but when my wife brought home a bottle of Cooks champagne for less than 4 bucks, I had to adjust that thinking. Plus, the one bottle went pretty fast, we needed reinforcements pretty quickly. "1.5"

Novelty: Other than being able to call it Trader Joes Champagne, there isn't really much novelty to this. I doubt I would give this as a gift, or not feel like a dork bringing it to someone's house for a party. Though, my Mother in law did serve it with Christmas Eve dinner....  "1"

Hangover Factor: Yeah, had a pretty nice headache which is pretty common for champagne. Around glass #5 I started to feel the headache coming, but kept on going. Wasn't hurting too bad in the morning though. "3"

Drunk: Talk about a happy drunk, this champagne provided a nice spark to my Wednesday night and put me in a celebratory mood, very enjoyable. "4"

Overall Trader Joes Champagne ends up with a rating of "2.5" which seems appropriate.